Bang (part 2)


For a moment they both froze.

“It’s the pizza. It’s okay it’s just the pizza,” Penelope said.


Billy stuffed the money into the backpack and opened the door and a thin young man entered carrying their food.

“Hi there folk, I’ve got two large sodas, a family size salad and a large mushroom pizza, $27.00 for ya.”

“Thanks just put it on the table, Billy said slipping a hand into the backpack and taking out forty dollars. Just give me $5 back”

The young man reached into his money pouch to take out some change. Suddenly he stopped and stared at the television. He took a long look at Penelope. Billy and Penelope turned to the screen to see a rather poorly light still photograph of the robbery being shown on CNN. For a moment they all stared at one another in stunned silence.

The delivery boy handed Billy his change and began to leave.

“Wait,” Penelope said. The delivery boy turned around to see Penelope holding a gun in her shaking hand.

“What the…” he began.

“Jesus, Penelope,” Billy said.

“Look, we all know what just happened. He saw me. He’s going to tell the cops.”

“No I wasn’t I swear.”

“Bullshit,” Penelope’s voice broke.

“Look what are ya gonna do shoot me?” Everyone will hear it plus, did you check in under your own names? Everyone will know you’re here.”

“Riiight,” Billy agreed.

“You’ll go to jail for murder, not just armed robbery. How much did you guys get anyway?” he asked being to realize that he was in no real danger.

“Practically nothing.” Penelope said beginning to cry.

“Look,” the delivery boy said approaching her. “Put down the gun, you don’t have to be afraid of me. I think there’s a way we can all work together if you just listen to me for a sec.”

Penelope and Billy looked at each other.

“Look, you hate Hollywood and Central Casting and all the bullshit, so do I… I have an Idea. My name is Josh by the way.”

Penelope took the remaining bullet out of the gun and put it in her pocket. She grabbed the backpack and put the gun in it. She clutched the bag to her chest.

“What do you want?”

“Let’s sit down and have some pizza. I’ll tell you about it.”

They all sat around the table. Penelope sat with the backpack wrapped around her legs.

Okay, so here’s what I’ve been thinking about. You know Tabitha Kraft? She an heiress, she was on the Kardashians as one of Kim’s friends?”

“I think I know who you mean,” Billy asked.

“Yes,” Josh said. “Well she’s making a show of her own right now, I have a friend who is a PA on the show. Plus, she orders pizzas all the time. She has Bulimia, I think.”

“You want to rob her,” Penelope assumed.

“No, no. I want to kidnap her.”

“That’s a sure way to go to jail,” Billy said.

“No, just listen to me,” Josh continued. Have you guys ever heard of Patty Hearst?

“Yeah, sure,” Penelope said.

“Well what I’m thinking is we kidnap her and get her to do stuff for us.”

“You want to brainwash her,” Billy asked.

“No, no, she’s already brainwashed. We’re gonna tell her it’s part of the show…”

Penelope and Billy munched their pizza and listened with great intensity.

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