Fan Fiction

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Horace looked at the woman sitting across from him tall, with fake red hair and bit of a goon face, He wished he’d never let himself get talked into speed dating.  

“I work in a tee shirt factory. I don’t have a green card yet so it’s all under the table,” she said.

“Are you from Australia, “he asked not caring, trying to glance over at the table next to him to see what was in his future.

“New Zealand actually..” the buzzer rang. He breathed a sigh of relief. A short chubby woman approached his table as the kiwi walked away. Horace, was skeptical; she had large breast and nice hair but the hips were two big and the skin was bad. She plopped herself down in a most unladylike  manner.

“I’m Horrace”, he said dully.

“I’m Cassandra,” she said looking at him intensely.

He didn’t care for her voice it was to valley girl for him. She was dressed all in black probably trying to hide a few pounds. He started to plan the porn he would watch that night as she blathered on with an introduction.

“I work in retail, what do you do?”

“I’m a writer”, he said. I just graduated with an MFA from The University of Glocamora.”

“And do you have a blog?”

“I do, “ he said shocked.

“I thought I recognized you Horace Price, Oh my God, I read you every day.”

“Oh, well thank you,” I guess, he said trying to repress his utter joy.

“I really loved your post about the Sox’s I shared it on Facebook, I hope you don’t mind. “

“Of course not, I mean that’s why I write so people will read, he said trying to sound casual.

He looked at her more closely, she had very full lips and really intense eyes.

“Are you a fan of the Sox?”

“ I don’t really follow baseball, I just like good writing I only follow like five people on WordPress and your one of them.”

“Are you a writer too”, he asked.

“Oh, no just an avid reader. You know who you remind me of, John Updike. ”

“Wow, thank you. I mean I’ve never heard that.”  he said. He loved john Updike.

“Your post about your ex girlfriend was hysterical. I loved it!  I hate girls like that.”

“That post didn’t do her justice.”

“I can imagine you’d be a pretty interesting story teller in person,” She smiled at him.

Well, I… The buzzer rang, she got up and moved to the next table. Horace wrote her name down as a definite to ask out. The other girls went by in a blur. He could only think of Cassandra. He imagined a life with her, someone who could finally appreciate him. The night ended Horace drove home hoping she would accept his offer.

Cassandra got into her coworker Pennie’s car. She started laughing right away.

“What happened,” Penny asked.

“He bought it, she snorted. I thought I was gonna lose it.”

“That’s hilarious.”

“He really is just as stupid as you said. I didn’t believe you.”

“Did you mention the one about me?”

“I did. I told him I hated girls like you.”

They both broke down in such loud laughter they did not here Cassandra’s phone quietly buzzing in the background.

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