Ellen arrived to work the next morning wired and exhausted. She had been up all night trying to think of a just punishment for Casandra. Since she had made fun of those who took her seriously Ellen felt that the punishment should involve public humiliation of some kind.
she thought of making the woman clean the floor of her fans homes with her hair. She went to http://punishmentcontent.wordpress.com/ to see that this punishment was already in place with someone else. She thought of making her make up poetry in a laughing-stock, sing endless karaoke in a bar full of frat boys and having to dance naked in front of the soul mirror in front of an audience of failed writers; they were all taken.
She read a couple of Casandra’s books and found them to be nonsense; something anyone could have made up on the fly.
It occurred to Ellen that part of the reason this woman was being punished was because she was successful. There were a million other people in the world who were just as full of shit as she was who had written books giving advice on all kinds of intangible stuff. A million others had written instruction books that were basically just a bunch of common sense. In her short time in Hell Ellen realized she hadn’t met one single person there that had failed at the evil they did. Certainly there were many people in the world whose intentions were bad who had for one reason or another not met their goals. where were they? Were they scattered among her co workers. Was there a special place that was reserved for them and were the punishments less or more?
Ellen decided that Casandra should know what it was like to be an unsuccessful bullshitter. She would be made to attend school where all the information she would be fed would be completely false. Because she got where she go by whoring around Ellen decided she would have a mattress strapped to her back. Every time she told a lie the mattress would fall forward crushing her. This would happen often as all the information she would be told would be false. She would have to some how find a way to pay for her enormously expensive tuition at the college which would certainly be difficult given that her nose and teeth were sure to be broken over and over again.
She ran it though the search engine and discovered that it was original. She decided to turn it in and then she realized she had no idea who she was supposed to send it to. Her supervisor had been promoted and no one had replaced her. She walked around the cubes looking for someone who looked like they knew what they were doing. Eventually, she wandered over to the main reception desk. She explained her situation to the receptionist. She was told to return to her desk until someone came to get her.
She wondered if she was in some kind of trouble. She returned to her desk with an enormous knot in her stomach. She surfed the internet and tried to amuse herself with cheap gossip. She found herself beginning to develop a little crush on Jesus; he had sort of a bad, but sensitive thing going on. She read an article about his cool bachelor pad in heaven. She was looking through pictures of Demons Without Make Up when a tall thin woman came up to her.
“Mr. Blodgett will see you now.
Ellen was lead down a long corridor to a fancy office with marble floors.
Mr. Blodgett a bright orange demon with a round body and ten eyes sat behind a solid gold desk. He got up to greet her. He introduced himself as the head of the punishment division. Ellen was not sure of which set of eyes to look into as she began to explain the punishment.