The Complaint (Part 19)



“You know I was pretty surprised to end up here. I mean I was a fucking Christian. I went to church every Sunday. I wanna talk to a lawyer because that doesn’t seem right, “Abby said.

“I think it’s based more on behaviors,” Ellen said. “Like if you’re from the Judea Christian culture and you violated the ten commandments repeatedly than you come here.”

“Yeah, but it’s supposed to be that if you followed Christ and gave some of your income to the church you were good to go.”

“Yeah, it’s not really like that,” Ellen said.

“But, I heard that repeatedly.”

“Did you ever get any of that in writing?”

“Um, the Bible is in writing.”

“The Bible is open to interpretation.  I mean did you get a voucher for going to church. Do you have some way of proving what you believed as far as being a Christian?”

“No,” Abby said. “But there must be some sort of a record of it.”

“Why,” Ellen said realizing how crabby she sounded.

“Well, it would only seem logical that if they judging you they had to have a record of your life somewhere.”

“Maybe,” Ellen. “From what I’ve seen everyone comes here but babies and animals. But, yeah if you think you got screwed then look for a lawyer.”

“Do they have internet down here? “

“I have it at work, but I haven’t seen it in the dorms. If you’re working in a bar you might not have it.” Ellen said. She felt bad like a negative Nelly.

“You know, Abby, Christ isn’t exactly perfect himself. You may want to bring that up when you talk to an attorney. I was reading all about him today in this magazine I found at the gym. Apparently he is just always getting in trouble. Mary Magdalene dumped him for Heath Ledger and he started to go out with Lindsay Lohan.  “Everyone said he was just using her to get back at Mary. In fact word has it that he and Mary were hooking up behind Heath and Lindsay’s back.”

“Wait a second, how can Jesus be dating Lindsay Lohan, she’s still alive.”

that’s not true,” Ellen said, excited to share her knew found knowledge. “She died of a heroin overdose a few years back. Satan, Disney and Oprah had a ten year contracted at the time. Some nobody at the Department of Reaping totally screwed up. So they, like covered it up on earth and did some kind of a Frankenstein thing. If you look into her eyes you can tell.”

“Oh yeah, Abby said that would explain her acting and her singing,” Abby said.

“They’re actually doing a reality show about it.” Ellen continued. “I actually feel sorry for Christ. I mean his dad is God and his mom’s a virgin. It was to be so much pressure. Ya know?”

“Yeah, I went to high school with this guy whose dad owned Furniture Factory and he was the same way” Abby said .

“Yeah, if your dad created the earth you could never live up to it.”

“So, like is Marylyn down here? I love her.”

“I don’t know. I assume so. I haven’t been to the movies yet.”

“I was gonna have a tattoo of her on my arm, but..”

“Which one of her movies was your favorite?”

“Oh, I like em all.”

“My favorite was The Quarrel”. Ellen said.

“Yeah that was a really good one”, Abby said.

Ellen smiled a little to herself feeling a bit superior to her contemporaries. She always suspected they were responding to an image.

“We should go to the movies this weekend.” Abby, If they have weekends down here.”

“I don’t know. I’ve been here less than a week, no one has said anything to me, Ellen said wondering if she might be expected to work seven days straight.

Abby excused herself to go to the bathroom and came back looking a bit frightened. Ellen wondered what she had seen in the soul mirror.  She made a note to herself to follow Abby into the bathroom next time so she could get a look for herself.

The two girls watched TV for a while and then Abby took off for work. Ellen looked everywhere in the dorms for Kyle, but he was nowhere to be found. She wondered if he hadn’t gotten his living quarters promotion; maybe the haunting had been successful. She wondered if he was in an apartment, she wondered if it was Danni’s apartment. She wondered if he wasn’t telling Danni what a lameo  she was right about then.

She tried to distract herself with thoughts of work. She thought of what it would be like to eat the same thing and share a bed with up to ten other people for the rest of her life.  She had a found memory of what burgers and fries tasted like and how good it felt to sleep on her old pull out bed. She stared at the ceiling and tried to think of a really good punishment.