The Complaint (part 15)




After they finished pummeling the layabouts Kyle and Ellen decided to head upstairs for a drink. Ellen wondered if she was even allowed to have alcohol, but Kyle assured her that all alcohol consumption was encouraged in Hell.

Kyle ordered a Liquid Lust; a combination of strawberry’s oyster juice, rum and Absinthe. It came in an enormous salad bowl sized container. It came with a bowl of black olives. Ellen ordered a Club of Complacency which was a random mixture of ten different shots that the bartender felt like putting into a bowl  of Tang. While they drank and chatted Ellen looked out the window and noticed several pigs walking out of a room marked “baths”.

“Those are the first animals I’ve seen here”, she commented.

“Oh they live upstairs they just have a spa down here, love”, Kyle said. If she didn‘t know better she would have sworn he was playing footsie with her under the table.

“Upstairs, you mean like heaven?”

“Oh yeah, all animals go there. The farm animals have it especially good: great big fields, plenty to eat, massive farmhouses with big beds.”

“That hardly seems fair,” Ellen muttered.

“It was all part of some big class action lawsuit. The animals all got together and sued  mankind for damages. The spa was part of their compensation.

“What’s in the spa,” she asked.

“What isn’t? They have a big restaurant serving all kind of human meat. The workers are all human and they are all chained to tie outs. They give the animals back rubs and facials that sort of thing.”

“Were those pigs…. was that blood on their feet?”

“Oh yeah, that whole deal was taken right from the Bible, Psalm 10:58 “the righteous shall rejoice when he seeth the vengeance: He shall wash his feet in the blood of the wicked.

Ellen began to feel a bit dizzy from the drink. She was now quit certain that she felt Kyle’s foot sliding up her ankle.  She began to feel excited, but even in her drunken stupor she wondered what he could possibly want with her. He could certainly have any woman he wanted and given the events of the previous night he was not going through a dry spell.

She excused herself and went into the bathroom where she sat on the toilet and tried to brace herself. When she came out of the stall she saw a woman putting on make up at the mirror she approached it with trepidation, but was relieved to see her physical reflection staring back at her. She fixed her hair a bit.

“No soul mirror in here, huh” she slurred to the other woman.

“Oh, no bars are exempt,” they made a law a few years ago, those things were lowering promiscuity levels.”






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