The show began with a montage of Caroline’s past relationships and crushes; including what she thought was a particularly telling infatuation she had with Matthew Perry who she always thought Tad resembled. Camera man got a few shots of women in the audience nodding their heads in sympathy.
They cut to her narrating their meeting at the party. She said she’d never seen eyes so blue. Tad came on and began narrating as well. He said she seemed sweet and shy.
“How did you do that”, she whispered to director.
“We just pulled an image of him from you memory bands and extracted various sound bites and visual clips. After he has his dream where he sees the show his memory of what he was thinking and feeling at the time will be forever changed”.
Caroline had the strong urge to kiss director.
The audience roared with laughter at Caroline’s comments about the first time they had sex. They laughed harder when Tad said he got the impression she was not very experienced and he had taught her a thing or two.
Camera man took a few shots off men in the audience looking angry when he betrayed her in front of her father. He got a shot or two of Dora laughing at him attempting to shave the hair off his back and clipping his toenails right in front of Caroline.
The show ended with Caroline crying over their break up at work a month after it happened. Director yelled cut and the panel members turned their seats around and faced the audience. There was an empty seat right next to Caroline. They took a volunteer from the audience to read Tad’s lines off a teleprompter. Director assured Caroline that they would CG in an image of Tad over the audience member.
“Do I get a SAG Voucher for this”? The audience member inquired.
“Of course, old sport”, director said planning to make a fake voucher on his computer.
Director handed Dan rather the microphone and Mr. Rather took quite naturally to his hosting duties.
“Were back”, he said, “and we have a panel of Tad experts here on our panel please welcome Tad’s dream girl, Dora” The audience screamed and wolf whistled.
Tad’s bedwetting psychiatrist Dr. Applewood!” the audience clapped and laughed.
“Crystal, Tad’s “next” girlfriend who dumped him, The Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, Professor Dansworth and The Brothers of Alpha Gamma Gamma”, there were polite applause.
“Miss Caroline”, the audience went wild.
“And of course, Tad, the audience was dead silent.
The panel members took turns berating Tad.
Dora said she was disgusted with Tad’s terrible behavior. She said she was seriously thinking of becoming a lesbian after seeing his back hair and asked one off the cheerleaders if she’d like to go out for coffee.
Crystal and Caroline laughed over Tad’s sexual shortcomings and discussed whether or not is insecurity came from the fact that is penis was so small. They argued about whether or not his mother had been the one to ruin his ability to learn and rely on himself or if he actually suffered from some sort of mental deficiency.
The cheerleaders laughed and whispered amongst themselves.
Dr. Applewood said Tad’s childhood drawings indicated a burgeoning psychosis.
“I wasn’t too worried about it; he wouldn’t have been smart enough to get away with it.”
The audience roared with laughter and applause.
When it came Tad’s turn to defend himself, the atmosphere grew chilly and serious.
“I loved Caroline, I did. But, after a while it seemed like we were just fighting all the time.”
“Oh, come on Tad, weren’t you picking fights with her so she would leave you and you wouldn’t have to admit you were cheating on her “, an audience member asked.
‘”Caroline just seemed lazy. I wanted to be with someone who works as hard as I do .”
“What, you’re unemployed!” Caroline said. The audience roared with laughter.
The show ended with Dr. Applewood stating that Tad was exactly the same as the pathetic Eight-year-old who couldn’t stop wetting the bed, Caroline saying she was happy to be rid of him. The cheerleaders doing a step routine in Caroline’s honor.
Editor and director quickly put the finishing touches on the show. As Tad closed his eyes to go to sleep, the crew slipped the tiny computer with the DVD inside right behind Tad’s eyes so he would be sure to see it in his R.E.M sleep.
Caroline and the crew exited through Tad’s left ear. They ran out of his bedroom and into the street where they returned to their normal sizes. The panelist returned to their respective places in Tad’s memory.
The audience members stayed in Tad’s head and waited to be paid. They waited and waited. A few of them began to worry because they were told the M& M’s were only good for one days. None of the audience members complained about how long it was taking because they didn’t want to be blacklisted by the company that hired them.
Tad’s dreamt the show that night. He wolk up with a start. It sounded like a gun had gone off. He didn’t know it, but the audience had exploded in is brain.
“A researcher from Bullitt Marketing sat in the comfy armchair in Match in Mind’s.waiting room. The woman sat across from him looking quite satisfied with herself.
“I don’t get it” he said. “There were cookies in the candies. Like cookie flavored M&M?”
“No, not that kind of cookie. Like in a computer, sort of. When the object carrying the cookie destructs the cookie is left in the subjects head and Blasé voilà, our client has a brand ambassador, saboteur and assassin all rolled into one.”
“Brilliant.” The researcher said. We would love to invest”.
The woman and the researcher walked into her office and closed the door.