The Doormat Fights Back

What makes someone successful? Is it hard work, luck  or  bit of both? Perhaps it has something to do with breading or education? I’ve always thought it has a little bit to do with each of these things. You can’t control your luck or your breading of course. Depending on circumstances  you may or may not be able to get an education and you can work hard at one element of your job  and end up ignoring the very element of the job that would have made you successful. Thomas Edison said  that success was ten percent inspiration and ninety percent perspiration.  I say success is at least seventy percent publicity.

I run a fairly popular blog on which I interview people about their jobs and creative projects. While being interviewed on my blog is not a guarantee of success, it is free publicity. Although I am not a professional writer or journalist I do get about a hundred hits a day and the feedback has been generally positive. I often put ads up on Craigslist and Twitter and the such to get interview subjects. Every once in a while someone will contact me to be interviewed. I have had several publicist send over their clients in the hopes of getting an interview. If I am interested in interviewing someone I send them a letter explaining that I am not a professional writer, that interviews are done by email and that my questions will appear exactly as they are asked and the answers will be unedited and uncensored.  I always ask that they read at least two interviews to get a feel for the questions.

I can completely understand someone saying no to an interview request. Some people may not feel comfortable expressing themselves in writing and some may not feel comfortable  without the benefits of a professional copy editor. Other people may not want to be associated with a goofy, geeky nut ball like me; sometimes I wish I didn’t have to be. What I don’t understand is why anyone would say that they want to be interviewed and tell me to send them their questions and then never, ever answer them ever.

I have experienced a recent surge in people not answering their questions. This pisses me off to no unreasonable end as I don’t make any money for writing my blog. It’s something I do for fun and being blown off isn’t that much fun . Now, I always wait a week to remind people to answer their questions and even then I am very nice about it. I can understand where my interview may not be top priority with a business person or actor.  I can totally understand them taking two weeks or even a month to get back to me . But, often  times the subject just never communicates with me again .  I just had one woman agree to do an interview with me and then get angry with me when I sent her a reminder letter, saying that she was very busy with work. The malodorous twat actually had the audacity to ask me about my readership after she had agreed to the interview and I’d sent her her questions. It was as if I had to show her the value in doing what she had already agreed to do.  Other subjects will tell me that they will send their answers on a certain day, not send them and disappear.

So what, you may ask, can I do about it.  I am half way tempted to do a little write up about these spacy shitheads and tell their potential clients about how reliable they are. I can’t really do this as I’m sure that in spite of the fact that I am trying to do nothing more than help them they would sue me if I didn’t take this absolutely ridiculous disrespect with good humor.  I am also certain that everyone would suddenly trot out a dead grandmother as an excuse for why they couldn’t answer their questions. I would be willing to bet that if I dared to tell them what I think of them a whole bunch of trauma would come pouring out of their respective closets.  If I believed in Karma I could tell them that their Karma would get them, but alas I have seen the very slimiest parasites on fleas on rat vomit succeed in this world.

I have decided that I will start charging people for not answering their questions. I will start letting them know that if they don’t answer their questions in 30 days they will be charged $15.00 for my time. Anyone who doesn’t like it can go fuck themselves with a boiling hot, sharp flag pole! Yeah that’s right. I am not the entire world’s personal servant! If they really do have a dead relative, let’s see the death certificate. If they get sick lets have a doctors note;  If they suddenly become famous and decided to blow me off I will tell the press that they fuck sheep!  HA! These rules are new and former subjects are Grandfathered, of course. I realize  the need to explain what should be blatantly obvious to anything with a head!

If any potential interview subjects are still confused due to my subtlety, here it is in a nut shell. Don’t agree to do what you can’t or don’t want to do. I suspect that many potential subjects liked the idea of getting their name out their until they realize its going to take some work. You think Paris Hilton really wanted to party with peasants’? You think Kim Kardashian really wanted to  attend  charity events  for the homeless? You think Ann Coulter gives a fuck about politics? Of coarse not! They just knew to jump out in front of the camera whenever they got a chance.  If your not willing to do that you might as well grease up that spatula, you’re gonna have a long life!

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