I was recently at a party where a gentleman told me that women didn’t like nice guys. He proceeded to tell me what a bad boy he was and how women dig him for this. He strongly implied that I should go home with him, as I being a woman, must be true to this inescapable predisposition of mine. I declined letting him know that in spite of his smoldering, Fonzie like sensuality I would have to resist as I was still waiting for my test results to come back from the lab.
Sadly, this is not the first time I have heard this from a man. Men seem to think that because women seem to be attracted to rebels they don’t like it when a man is nice to them. I beg to differ what women really want is honesty- and niceness in a man just doesn’t seem honest.
Do I sound bitter and cynical; like someone who has been lied to and cheated on? Good, because I am. It has been my own personal experience that men who seem nice at first are actually the worst ones. They make you believe something that you just isn’t true.
The nice guy will come across as awkward at first. He will make you feel like you are so attractive that you are making him nervous. He will suggest going out for some arbitrary activity. Once out with him he will pay for everything not because he is a boy and you are a girl, but because he invited you. He will wait a long time before he tries to sleep with you and when he does he will be very sweet. Several moments after the first sexual encounter he will begin to change into a completely jackass.
He will tell you that he will help you clean your apartment up when you do not consider it to be a mess. He will tell you he know of a good diet you can go on when you are not thinking of dieting. Although you are financially independent, he will tell you how he can help you with your finances as though you were a child. When he is caught cheating or lying in general he will play innocent and act as if he didn’t know that was against the rules.
Witness a drama that played itself out on my Facebook page. I had two face book friends who were both former co-workers at a temporary job. Shortly after this job ended The woman who we will call Sue announced that she was “in a relationship” with a man we will call “Frank”. Frank was one of the seemingly nicest sweetest young me I have met. At our temp job many referred to him as an Eagle Scout. At first I noticed a daily bit of lovey-dovey statements and vague sexual innuendo floating past on her the status updates. Ever once in a while he would “like” one of these statements. After about a month there seemed to be trouble in paradise. She began to make statements implying that he wouldn’t communicate with her. After a week of this she changed her relationship status to single. A litany of links to Destiny’s Child songs, sallied along on her status updates. They were accompanied by various pop culture assentation’s about independence and self love. At one point she came out and said he left her without a word of explanation.
About a year later I ran into Frank. He asked me if I ever saw anyone from the temp job. I said no and asked him the same question. He told me that he and Sue had been “drinking buddies” and they had gotten into a fight when she tried to make him feel bad about being on food stamps. He also told me that he has moved in with a girl he has been dating for nine months.
You see if Sue or any of the rest of us had been with a “bad boy” she would have at least known what to expect. He would have at least respected her by being honest and honesty and respect is what women really like.